Goals

Going through boxes the past few weeks, I've come across a dozen or so journals I've written in over the last 2 decades. Sporadically, to be sure - some are passing thoughts, some are travel entries and some are just giant, open-ended, life questions - what am I doing? There's one journal filled with notes from repeated attempts at keeping a food diary where the downward spirals all seem to start the same:

10 almonds
1 beer
15 almonds
String cheese
Olives
1 beer
More olives
More almonds (stopped counting)
Another beer (might as well)

So today when I came across an old notebook I was shocked and somewhat dismayed to see a list of goals that looked like they'd been written last year or maybe the year before, when in fact, they were from 2004.

Be nicer
Commit to healthy eating plan
Lose weight
Commit to stretching more
Create new workout program
Drink less
Commit more to job search
Think before speaking
Write more
Study for ACE exam
Find an event to train for

Some of this just happened eventually - not through any plan I had to achieve these goals that year. I did get a job. And I did learn how to eat much healthier and of course, I fell head over heels for Crossfit. I trained for another Ironman in 06 before jumping into the abyss of trail running. All that lead to weight loss and having a new workout plan but again, that was all just an evolution and not anything I specifically set out to accomplish. There was nothing I could point to and think, wow, I did it. Awesome.

In 2013 I might have written 9 of those things anew. Seems like missed opportunities to go recycling goals from 10 years ago.

It got me thinking more when I read this article by Chris Guillebeau on Writing a Life List and then checking in on yourself with an Annual Review. (Chris was responsible for the excellent World Domination Summit I attended in Portland.) Dream big, set measurable goals, push your comfort zone, reach out to all parts of your life (not just sports or adventure) and continue to check in on your progress.

My car in Tahoe with a surfboard makes me smile

As much as I hate to consider it, my live-in-the-moment spirit has become restless. My take-it-as-it-comes attitude has lost some of its luster. (Faithful readers will remember my river analogy - time to stop moving with the current and get out to climb the mountain). Of course I'm still me - I still want to jump on a plane tomorrow if I have a crew racing outrigger in Molokai or chalk up a good day as one where I have a great workout, read, feel the sun/or see snow, eat well, and have good interactions with friends. But there's got to be something more, right? I mean, to go along with the easy-going, and deeply grateful core? That thing that you hone in on with precision and passion and sleepless nights and perhaps even apprehension - at failure? At success? At stating your goal with clarity and putting it out for the universe to know?

Beanies always make me happy

 When we lose someone close to us we think - life is so precious, we've got to live each day to its fullest, enjoy every little thing we can - and you sort of grab on to that. I think through years of insecurity and some bouts of depression I relied on the smaller things in life to build my happiness around - a running car, fresh snow, going to a friend's house for dinner. Don't get me wrong - I've had a blessed life and those are all wonderful, awesome things that still make me feel good but maybe there should be something else - something that takes good to great to unbelievable. And not just an epic powder day at Alta. Although that's always pretty epic.

This pic from Sea-Tac makes me happy

Of course maybe that thing is a struggle and it goes from good to I-can't-do-this to maybe-I-can to great to I-can't-do-this again. Is that so bad? It's the journey that makes the true experience, right? The last time I was scared was riding some of those wooden bridges in Whistler on a mountain bike. Beyond sports, I can't remember the last time I felt apprehension about something I was trying to do. Is that a bad thing? I'm thinking... maybe? For some people? For me?

Skiing with my boys in Whitler makes me happy

I've got 3+ months left in the year - my goal is to create a life list with 7 things to start and set up an Annual Review for the end of 2013. Funny, I just said this to Andrea today so obviously it's on my mind - When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (Paul Coelho) Now I just need to figure out what I want.