The cost of Ka-POW!
You spend some time being a girl you learn about girl stuff.
Your first bra, your first pair of Jordache jeans (they may be $12 at Walmart now but they were the bomb in the 80's, trust me), your first feathered haircut. Your first time to a dermatologist, to Weight Watchers, to buy a 4-pack of wine coolers with your fake ID.
That segued into your first eyebrow wax, your first bikini wax, and the return trip to Weight Watchers because a friend said they'd enhanced their point system and she lost 15 pounds.
Hair got big, then it got straight; jeans were pegged then they went flare; your messenger bag evolved into a purse (many purses), your Converse gave way to Steve Maddens, and your big, shapeless, boho gypsy dresses evolved into short skirts and sporty tops.
Let's just say you've come a long way, baby.
But today the stakes are higher (#agingnotfun) and the payoffs are more Ka-POW than ever. To wit:
Jeans that make you look impossibly longer and leaner than you are. They all seem to start at around $175. I wore a pair to work the other day that magically reapportioned my excess weight into inches leaving me taller, leggier, leaner and all-around more empowered to do battle. Er, work. Or really just walk back and forth from my cube looking for compliments. Which worked. And not because most of the people around me work for me.
Then there's my current favorite obsession: eyelash extensions. Kim Kardashian, Bambi-eye, makeup free, eyebrow-skimming, glamazonian eyelashes. For a couple hundie. For 2-3 weeks before they all fall off. That's about $100 for 10 days of amazing eyelashes. Or the equivalent of a discounted day pass at Whistler. Or a 4-night stay in a private cabin on the Greek island of Mykonos.
And for what, you ask?
Right now? There is no special occasion, no wedding, no dance; no gala or birthday party, no anniversary or date, no speaking engagement or Crossfit Open competition - although that would be THE reason, right? To be competing at that level you'd already have to be super UBER buff and then to have these glammy, glossy eyelashes jetting out from your lids? I mean, that would have to throw off the nearest competitor right? It would throw me off to have Bambi-eyes cranking out muscle-ups beside me.
For what then? Because they're amazing. And fun. And the most girly thing I've done. Because they give me that Ka-POW factor in a world where I all too frequently take the path of least resistance to looking great. Because a girl in my UX class told me the other night that I had "the most amazing eyelashes". Because people notice. Because I can't stop staring at myself with them. And because I've always been obsessed with humongous eyelashes. Who isn't?
So do I go another month without a haircut, another month without a Crossfit membership or paying my most excellent friend and trainer who's bringing me back from the couch? Do I spend the equivalent of my season pass at Squaw to have killer lashes for maybe 6 weeks? How do I justify the cash outlay for 100 synthetic, centimeter long hairs and the effort to apply them? Can you put a cap on your "self-esteem" budget?
Damn, awesome lash-applier lady - you had me at "Open your eyes."
Your first bra, your first pair of Jordache jeans (they may be $12 at Walmart now but they were the bomb in the 80's, trust me), your first feathered haircut. Your first time to a dermatologist, to Weight Watchers, to buy a 4-pack of wine coolers with your fake ID.
That segued into your first eyebrow wax, your first bikini wax, and the return trip to Weight Watchers because a friend said they'd enhanced their point system and she lost 15 pounds.
Hair got big, then it got straight; jeans were pegged then they went flare; your messenger bag evolved into a purse (many purses), your Converse gave way to Steve Maddens, and your big, shapeless, boho gypsy dresses evolved into short skirts and sporty tops.
Let's just say you've come a long way, baby.
But today the stakes are higher (#agingnotfun) and the payoffs are more Ka-POW than ever. To wit:
Jeans that make you look impossibly longer and leaner than you are. They all seem to start at around $175. I wore a pair to work the other day that magically reapportioned my excess weight into inches leaving me taller, leggier, leaner and all-around more empowered to do battle. Er, work. Or really just walk back and forth from my cube looking for compliments. Which worked. And not because most of the people around me work for me.
Then there's my current favorite obsession: eyelash extensions. Kim Kardashian, Bambi-eye, makeup free, eyebrow-skimming, glamazonian eyelashes. For a couple hundie. For 2-3 weeks before they all fall off. That's about $100 for 10 days of amazing eyelashes. Or the equivalent of a discounted day pass at Whistler. Or a 4-night stay in a private cabin on the Greek island of Mykonos.
And for what, you ask?
Right now? There is no special occasion, no wedding, no dance; no gala or birthday party, no anniversary or date, no speaking engagement or Crossfit Open competition - although that would be THE reason, right? To be competing at that level you'd already have to be super UBER buff and then to have these glammy, glossy eyelashes jetting out from your lids? I mean, that would have to throw off the nearest competitor right? It would throw me off to have Bambi-eyes cranking out muscle-ups beside me.
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| Let's do burpees! |
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| Well hello, my pretties. |
Damn, awesome lash-applier lady - you had me at "Open your eyes."
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