Lost Identity

-
It used to be no big thing to roll into a dinner party or a work day on the heels of a 10-, 15- or 20-mile trail run. Usually that followed a bunch of Crossfit workouts, maybe a spin class, or an outrigger practice. Sometimes it came after a weekend of shredding the slopes at Squaw or a snowshoe race. It's just what I did, what I knew, what I loved. Time is limited and I've always wanted to get as much out of it as I could.


So now, when I run into the casual acquaintance or an infrequent friend who inevitably asks "What crazy things did you do today?" or "How far did you run today?" I'm at a loss for words. What defined me, what I defined myself by, isn't there anymore. I'm not running, I'm not doing Crossfit, I missed last ski season and I'm fighting a losing battle trying to exercise for exercise's sake by doing uninspiring things like walking, PT exercises and "light" spinning.

I'm not the person striving to get my 30 minutes of activity a day. I'm looking for thrills and exhaustion and sweat and fresh air and cold fog and light rains and slippery trails and steep drops and aching muscles and calloused hands. I'm looking to keep pushing myself in my 40's - to maintain strength and functionality, to lift weights and do pullups, to rediscover muscles slowly losing to fat in my state of uninspired inertia. To ski better, run faster, try kiteboarding.

How to wrap my head around this monumental shift in my life? What else do I feel truly defines me? And what of the communities I had before - my trail runner peeps and Crossfit? It's no surprise that I've spent a lot more time in the city since my knee surgery. I've walked around a lot more by myself. I've watched a lot more Netflix. I've read a lot more books. Yeay?

I once said if I couldn't run anymore I'd have to move away from this area of runners and incredible trails. I couldn't deal with it all being so close. I'd have to go south to warm water in pursuit of surfing and outrigger. I'd channel my Laird Hamilton in southern California or Hawaii. Of course, skiing throws a wrench into those plans. Maybe 6 months there, 6 months here. I don't know.

I just need to find a track to get back on right now.

Comments

caroline said…
theres always that book your going to write :)
5:19 PM
Andrea said…
yes, time to write that book.
8:17 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lessons Learned Planning for the Tour de Mont Blanc

-
Image
Random Thoughts and Tips After scavenging around the Internet looking at multiple blogs, websites and discussion groups, I decided to condense what I found to be the most helpful information and include some lessons learned from actually being on the trail. If you want to read about the actual journey and the highlights you can find that post here . For distances, huts, routes you'll want to use this TMB  site . You can make reservations here. Not everyone makes reservations but we did. We had a tight schedule to condense the trip into 6 days and didn't want to leave availability to chance. For planning and while on the trail, you'll want this Kev Reynolds  book . It gives great detail on the routes, the alternate routes, the sites you'll pass and the huts available along the way. We used it extensively before, during and after. If you're planning a trip anywhere around Mont Blanc in the fall do a quick search for " UTMB " and find out when the rac...
Read more

What to Write About

-
Why, when I'm out on a run or taking a shower do I think I have a million awesome things to write about. I mean, a million. And then I sit here with....nothing. (This was started last April 2017) Like watching Damages Season 5 and having an a-ha moment when Ellen is talking to her dead husband, David (dead but so real!) and David points out that for him it wasn't about the success, it was about the happiness. And I think, yeah, man, happiness! Like the urge I sometimes get to move to the base of a mountain, ski for the season, then figure out my next career move. It's not that I'm trying to avoid hard work - or am I? - but life and knees and increasingly, snow, are in short supply and there's just no replacement for pursuing happiness. So then I remember I want to write something about the different pursuits of happiness! (And started again January 2018!) Then I remember I had the idea to package the story of all my great-to-middling love affairs into a musica...
Read more

Christmas, Family and Skiing

-
Image
Back when my mom lived in New Jersey it was always fun to go home for Christmas and venture into New York to see the store windows decorated for the holidays, catch a musical, go to Rockefeller Center, and meet up with friends for drinks. But now that she lives in Utah I'm reveling in her proximity to one of my most happiest of happy places, Alta. (Top of High Rustler run, Alta) Of course, Christmas is all about enjoying family time. But just behind that is skiing. :) This Christmas I hit it just right as I arrived early to enjoy a few days of girl time with my mom and sister before my brothers arrived AND in the middle of a thundering storm that dropped almost 3 feet of light and airy champagne-like snow on the Wasatch Range. 3 days of epic conditions on the mountain and 4 days of movies, games, eating, shopping, drinking and taking endless pictures of the first grandchild in our family; not a bad ratio. I shared first tracks with my cousin Liz and her friend, Kim - both amazing f...
Read more