Goodbye 00's

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It really doesn't seem all that long ago when I was playing in the front yard with my best friend Becky back in New Jersey trying to imagine how old we'd be when the year 2000 rolled around. We had big plans to live next to each other with our husbands and kids, BBQing on the back porch, swimming and tennis at the same club. I don't know if we thought about what we'd be doing career-wise at all. Ah, youth.


So here it is a decade into the 21st century and I'm that old person I couldn't imagine being. Amazing. No tennis club, no back porch, no husband. I have a stoop; so there's that. How interesting it would be if I could go back and have a conversation with myself. Would I have believed what I was hearing from my older me? Would I have listened to myself?

It's a fine balance between living for today and preparing for unknown tomorrows. Spend/save, travel/settle, rent/buy, date/marry, play hard/work hard, indulge/restrain. There's no seeing the future ahead and so you go about your life trying to make the best choices. You suffer, you learn, you regroup, you go on, you discover, you move, you win, you rejoice, you change, you love, you evolve, you go on.

When I stop to check in with myself, I've generally felt that I'm pretty much where I deserve to be in life; given my choices and desires. Could've worked harder at a career path earlier, put more emphasis on finding a partner, had more direction, skipped the home perms, saved more $$, been a better friend/daughter/sister/cousin/girlfriend. Do I still aspire to do better at all? Hell, yes. But the choices I've made - for better and for worse - have brought me where I am today and where I am generally feels pretty good. (Unless I'm having a bad day and then where I am sucks and everything in my life sucks and why am I crying? But who doesn't have those kind of days??)

There was a study done on the societal effects of surrounding yourself with a happy, healthy social network; that happiness is contagious, as is healthy living (hello, quinoa!). Here at the close of 2009, road-tripping through the backroads of my 40's, I find myself surrounded by friends and family riding high on amazing changes in their lives. Some have new jobs, some are starting their own business; some are engaged, others moving in together; there's a new homeowner, a new car owner; new knees, new sports; new boyfriends, new girlfriends. All around me the end of 2009 crescendoed into an apex of great fortune. I would be remiss if I didn't attribute my current general disposition - and, in fact, my ongoing disposition - to the happiness and success of the network that surrounds me and the continuing sense of how fortunate I am to be a part of it.

So if I were me talking to my younger self back in New Jersey I might say appreciate what you have while you have it. Appreciate who you have in your life when you have them. Recognize that anyone can have an impact no matter how brief their stay in your life is. Try to roll with the changes, be open, be passionate. Don't stop exploring or trying new things. Don't worry too much about what's to come or what has passed. (Except your weight. Lay off the beer and pizza rolls in college.) Change what you can, accept what you can't. Be conscious of your insecurities. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.

Somehow it seems - through nature and nurture, life experiences and friends - I mostly managed to figure this out. Maybe I wouldn't have too much to say to myself. Maybe I'd just say it's going to be okay.

Comments

Andrea said…
can you please turn this into your novel? i loved reading every single word. oh, and i love you. thanks for giving me a nod.
7:47 PM
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