Reality Check #17
I've had some aches and pains over the last 4 days. Not the kind from a really good workout but the kind where you wonder - wow, what the hell is that? - and I can say with certainty that I am completely unprepared to deal with injuries. I've been very fortunate all my life - never broke anything, sprained anything, twisted, turned or fractured anything. I've probably never been so active as I am now either - except when I worked in Utah and skied every day - so having my body firing on all cylinders is paramount to my well-being, both mentally and physically. The downside of having lived this long with no real setbacks is that I'm now just totally unprepared to deal.
So when I started feeling pain in my lower abs I thought it was maybe a cramp, a muscle pull - something that would go away...but it hasn't 4 days later. And 2 days after watching my form go to shit while doing a last set of deadlifts I'm still groaning each time I have to stand up. I muddled my way through a workout yesterday, grimmaced through a run Tuesday night and now I'm working at home today in my jammies, watching Jerry McGuire and wondering when the hell I'm going to feel normal again.
Now it's embarrassing to even be writing about this when I have dear friends and family who are suffering through far greater injuries and pains, but it's a profound realization regarding this utterly vunerable part of my life, and watching my friends struggle has had an impact. I've sailed through this life confidently, smugly even, arriving in my 40's with a considerable sense of invincibility when it comes to my physical well-being. There has been no race I couldn't finish, no hill I couldn't tackle, no weight I couldn't carry with the right training and diligence. It wasn't that I knew with certainty that I could accomplish all these things but increasingly, as it turned out I could, I started to believe there was nothing to stop me. But no amount of believing can alter the fact that the body ages, things shift, shit happens. And nothing can prepare you for it.
So even though I learned to knit, bought a guitar, and have enough books to keep me occupied for months on a deserted island in preparation for that time when I might possibly not be as active as I am - I'm really completely lost at the thought of it. Is this how everyone feels when their body fails them the first time? My mom is having both her knees replaced at 67 and is astounded that she has to have this done when she feels so young and has been diligent in taking care of herself. 15, 33, 40, 67 - Is there any age where it wouldn't startle you to have your body let you down?
Am I blowing this out of proportion? Absolutely. What I'm experiencing now is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Nada. And I'm certain it will pass and I'll be back to normal again. But what will stay with me is a slight wariness towards my body, the unforeseen, and the reality that everything I've taken for granted could change just like that. Or more likely, I'll push such thoughts to the far recesses of my mind and fall back into a blitheful state of delusion that I am, in fact, invincible. Easier to have misguided belief than to dwell on uncertainty.
So when I started feeling pain in my lower abs I thought it was maybe a cramp, a muscle pull - something that would go away...but it hasn't 4 days later. And 2 days after watching my form go to shit while doing a last set of deadlifts I'm still groaning each time I have to stand up. I muddled my way through a workout yesterday, grimmaced through a run Tuesday night and now I'm working at home today in my jammies, watching Jerry McGuire and wondering when the hell I'm going to feel normal again.
Now it's embarrassing to even be writing about this when I have dear friends and family who are suffering through far greater injuries and pains, but it's a profound realization regarding this utterly vunerable part of my life, and watching my friends struggle has had an impact. I've sailed through this life confidently, smugly even, arriving in my 40's with a considerable sense of invincibility when it comes to my physical well-being. There has been no race I couldn't finish, no hill I couldn't tackle, no weight I couldn't carry with the right training and diligence. It wasn't that I knew with certainty that I could accomplish all these things but increasingly, as it turned out I could, I started to believe there was nothing to stop me. But no amount of believing can alter the fact that the body ages, things shift, shit happens. And nothing can prepare you for it.
So even though I learned to knit, bought a guitar, and have enough books to keep me occupied for months on a deserted island in preparation for that time when I might possibly not be as active as I am - I'm really completely lost at the thought of it. Is this how everyone feels when their body fails them the first time? My mom is having both her knees replaced at 67 and is astounded that she has to have this done when she feels so young and has been diligent in taking care of herself. 15, 33, 40, 67 - Is there any age where it wouldn't startle you to have your body let you down?
Am I blowing this out of proportion? Absolutely. What I'm experiencing now is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Nada. And I'm certain it will pass and I'll be back to normal again. But what will stay with me is a slight wariness towards my body, the unforeseen, and the reality that everything I've taken for granted could change just like that. Or more likely, I'll push such thoughts to the far recesses of my mind and fall back into a blitheful state of delusion that I am, in fact, invincible. Easier to have misguided belief than to dwell on uncertainty.
(Row of mailboxes outside turnoff for Muir Beach. Picture doesn't do it justice. Just needed to mix in a picture with all this self-introspection talk. Lol.)
Comments
Funny, just before I got here I was reading up on over training again. I'm always skirting that edge but this time I've crossed it...again. Thank goodness I'm on taper mode but I'm backing down more aggressively than usual. Rest up and I hope your layoff is a quick one.
You'll be just fine and you'll come out of this strong. Just listen to your body for the time being...no need to make things worse. I'll be healed soon enough and I'll need you out there with me on Tuesday night paddles and Sunday bike rides :-)